dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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