so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
