On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
