Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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