how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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