4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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