two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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