Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Mom said you looked used
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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