I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
