Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize