I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
