the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i think we sleep fucked last night...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
