Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
