I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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