Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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