I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
