We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
