I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
