I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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