If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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