I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
