im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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