I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize