Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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