OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize