we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize