Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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