He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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