nut hugger
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
