I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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