dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
