My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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