Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
