i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize