my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
