hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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