I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize