Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
did i just pee glitter
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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