he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
