why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
