There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
