You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
