Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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