I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
