Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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