the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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