Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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