Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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