you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
