I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
