I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
