god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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