Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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