careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
