You're my little dorito
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Found the puke drawer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
