I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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