I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
