I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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