then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize