Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
