He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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