he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
