you mean i was at the winter classic?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
