In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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