fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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