How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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