What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
