You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
