I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
