i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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