What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
